Why “Fitting In” Keeps You Stuck And Embracing Your ADHD Sets You Free
Why Trying to “Fit In” Holds You Back—and How Radical Self-Acceptance Sets You Free
My ‘defying gravity’ moment came when I stopped trying to win approval from others and instead turned inward.
In the world of entrepreneurship, the pressure to perform and keep up with every trend can be exhausting. As a neurodivergent woman, I know firsthand how it feels to stand out, to be seen as “different,” and to question whether there is a place in the business world for brains like mine. This week, as I celebrate both the fifth anniversary of the ADHD-ish podcast and Mental Health Awareness Month, I found myself drawn to a powerful metaphor for our journey as female entrepreneurs with ADHD: the story of Elphaba, the green-skinned witch in Wicked.
If you’re not familiar with Wicked, let me set the stage. Elphaba’s story is one of transformation, beginning with longing for acceptance, moving through painful and ill-fated attempts at conformity, and ultimately landing in a place of radical self-acceptance. When I watched Elphaba chase the approval of the Wizard, I was reminded of my own early days in business. I thought the next planner, productivity system, or mentor would “fix” me and allow me to function like all the other entrepreneurs whose color-coordinated calendars and morning routines flooded my social media feed. This is what I call the “fix me” phase of coming to terms with who (and how) I am—a place where countless female entrepreneurs with ADHD find themselves, convinced that we are the problem and the solution lies in someone else’s magic.
The current entrepreneur culture loves to sell us the idea that success is just one habit, one hack, or one mindset shift away. As I moved from program to program, trying to mold myself into the image of the “ideal entrepreneur,” I found myself in what I now see as the “pick me” stage. It’s that Glinda-esque makeover—the hope that if we just look the part, talk the talk, and follow the script, we’ll earn our seat at the table. I said yes to networking events that felt exhausting, accepted advice that rang false, and tried to silence the voice inside me that insisted there had to be another way. I see so many fellow female entrepreneurs get stuck at this stage—adopting someone else’s strategies, hoping for a stamp of approval, and desperately trying to blend in with the crowd.
But the thing about masking, about squeezing yourself into boxes that don’t fit, is that it always comes at a cost. My productivity would peak for a day or two, only to plummet when the system failed to accommodate the creative leaps and nonlinear focus that make my ADHD brain unique. I felt like a failure—not because I lacked motivation or drive, but because I was trying to live someone else’s definition of success. Eventually, the exhaustion forced me to ask a hard question: What if the problem isn’t my brain at all? What if the real issue is an entrepreneurial culture that rewards conformity and punishes outliers?
My “defying gravity” moment came when I stopped trying to win approval from others and instead turned inward. I started asking what it meant to build a business that honors my strengths and accommodates my challenges. I realized that I didn’t need another flashlight to guide me along someone else’s path; I needed to trust the inner compass that had always pointed me in the direction of purpose, impact, and creativity. This shift didn’t happen overnight, nor did it erase all the old fears and doubts. But with each decision to own my neurodivergence—to build in flexibility, to seek out customized support, to say “no” and mean it to everything and everyone that didn’t fit—I felt a little less weighed down by the world’s expectations and a little more in touch with my own.
Integration is something I’m still practicing, and I believe it’s a lifelong process for anyone who grows up feeling different in a world that prizes sameness. As a neurodivergent female entrepreneur, I have learned to celebrate both my quirks and my unconventional approaches. I now see the “fix me” and “pick me” stages not as wasted years, but as necessary waypoints that helped me claim my own story and shape my own path. I am deeply grateful to the mentors and peers who offered support—however imperfectly—and I have learned to release any lingering resentment I once held toward those who simply couldn’t see, or understand, my unique gifts.
If you are reading this and find yourself nodding along, I want you to know that you are not alone. The journey toward self-acceptance as a neurodivergent female entrepreneur is rarely linear. There are days we fall back into chasing approval or fantasizing about a magic cure. There are moments when we try once again to slip on that mask, just to avoid standing out. But each time we choose to honor our wiring—to build businesses and lives that work for us, not against us—we defy gravity in the most powerful way.
My hope, through the ADHD-ish Podcast and this blog, is to help more neurodivergent entrepreneurs embrace the truth that our greatest strengths often lie in the very differences we were taught to hide. Like Elphaba, we don’t need to wait for someone else to grant us permission to fly. We already have what we need—the vision, the courage, and the resilience forged by every obstacle we’ve faced along the way.
So, let’s keep supporting one another, sharing our stories, and creating space in the business world for every kind of mind. If you haven’t yet subscribed to the ADHD-ish Podcast newsletter, I invite you to join us. Every week, I share insights, inspiration, and practical tools designed for neurodivergent female entrepreneurs who are ready to make their mark—on their own terms.
After all, everyone deserves a chance to fly.
If you'd like to hear the full episode on the ADHD-ish Podcast, you can do that here.
